Quitting Time
Sometimes jobs don’t work out. Maybe you grow apart, maybe you find something better, or maybe you find out the business is closing because your boss announces it in the newspaper before telling you. Whatever the reason, sometimes it’s just time to move on, and there’s nothing wrong with that. This week, I’m going to discuss quitting jobs.
There are lots of ways to let the boss know you’re going to quit. Obviously, the explosive “fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you’re cool, fuck you, I’m out” from Half Baked is a lot of fun to think about in theory, but it’s not very practical. The same with just walking out. They both seem incredibly satisfying, but it’s a bad idea for a lot of reasons. First and foremost, you’re not getting your vacation time paid out. Second, you’re getting a bad reference, and unless you’re retiring or suddenly independently wealthy, you’re going to want to limit the number of places on your resume you tell prospective new jobs not to call. But most importantly, you lose your chance for an exit interview.
That being said, it is really funny to watch an aggressive resignation. When I was 15, I watched a woman quit explosively, and oh my god it was amazing. I worked at McDonald’s, and a particularly entitled (see: middle aged white) customer was getting in my co-worker(hereafter referred to as “my hero”)’s face. Lots of yelling, lots of finger pointing dangerously close to a stranger’s face, that sort of thing. And finally, my hero just snapped. She never raised her voice, but she held up a hand in the customer’s face and said “you know what? Fuck you. I quit.” Then my hero took off her hat and nametag, set them down, picked up her purse, and left. The customer was dumbstruck, and I was 15 and not sure what I should do. What I wanted to do was start a slow clap, but even then I knew it was a bad idea. So I got the manager, told him what happened on the way back, and he’d just managed to get the smile off of his face by the time we got to the customer. She screamed at the manager, and when she stopped to take a breath, he replied with a completely straight face “I don’t know what you want me to do ma’am, she doesn’t work here anymore.” I thought the woman was going to have a heart attack. Instead she left, vowing never to come back. That McDonald’s is still open, 20 years later, so I think they weathered the storm of her self imposed exile.
The best way to quit, when possible for your physical and mental health, is by giving two weeks’ notice. It’s such a good idea, there’s even a Hugh Grant movie about it. I worked a job at one point with a manager so afraid of confrontation that they wouldn’t even give me an on the spot correction if I was doing something wrong. I got to my 90 day evaluation expecting to be told that I was overall doing well, but could do a little better paying attention to detail. Instead, I had two surprises coming. My supervisor wasn’t at my evaluation, leaving it entirely to the HR manager, and I was told that my attitude was terrible, multiple customers and co workers had complained, and that I wasn’t showing enough initiative. They didn’t fire me, but did extend my probationary period for 30 days to give me a chance to fix the problems they’d just told me about. I sent an email asking that in the future, I be given an opportunity to fix deficiencies prior to them being so bad they go on paper. I also started applying to other jobs.
Ten days later, I had a meeting with my boss’ boss. He said he agreed with my email, and that it should have been handled much better. He apologized, and said that my boss hates confrontation, and he has been trying to coach them on it. He asked that I just try to be as respectful to my boss as possible, and I agreed. The next day I got a job offer, and submitted my resignation, and was immediately called in for an exit interview (again, without my boss). At that point I explained that I couldn’t respect a boss who viewed training as confrontation, and was too afraid to do it. Just getting to say that out loud to someone who had to listen and take notes felt amazing. Plus, the two weeks at a job after submitting your resignation are the best two weeks at any job. None of it matters anymore. You do a good job because you don’t want to screw anyone over, but it doesn’t have the same weight as it did when you thought you would be there long term. I swear, it’s better than oreos.
This week’s positivity comes in the form of Ke$ha’s newest single, “Raising Hell.” Lyrically, it’s a ton of fun and it’s coupled with a great beat and fast pace. I’ve been listening to it nonstop for the past few weeks, and I think other people are starting to get annoyed with me. I adore this song, and I’m going to keep listening to it until it wears out its welcome in my head (spoiler: it won’t). Have a great week everyone!