Music

As you may imagine, I spend quite a bit of time in bars. There are plenty of shows in bars, and when I’m not working, I find some of my best writing gets done in the controlled chaos of a happy hour. Even now, I’m sitting at an American Legion listening to all of the people shout and call out to each other, and I love it. For some people, it slows them down. I’m invigorated by it.

There is one thing that can definitely screw up my night though, and that’s the music. I’ve written about music here before, but this is going to go in a little bit of a different direction. I’ll start with a very valuable premise: liking a song isn’t enough of a reason to play it in public. Just because you like a song, that doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for the venue you’re in. This applies to all kinds of music, whether it’s your band, the jukebox, or karaoke. Now in some of these cases, the venue is able to police things themselves. Touchtunes jukeboxes will allow the venue to filter out genres, artists, or songs. Karaoke DJs are allowed to not carry certain songs, or to tell a singer that they’re not going to let them sing that one. Entertainment bookers should be researching the bands (or comedians) they bring to their stage. But if you’ve got free reign in a bar and nobody is telling you no, it’s important to recognize the kind of place you’re in before you take over the music with something that you like, but doesn’t fit the vibe.

This is something that I pay a lot of attention to. I have a very diverse set of tastes in music, so I can enjoy a little of everything. And while my regular rotation on a jukebox includes national treasures like “The Hoedown Throwdown” by Hannah Montana, “Candy” by Mandy Moore, and “Summer of 69” by Bryan Adams, I change it up when appropriate. I’m playing music at the Legion I’m in right now, and I’m skipping the pop and hip hop. I’m the youngest person in here by at least 20 years, so I’m playing the classic rock songs that I know will be hits. That’s not to say people here would revolt if I suddenly played Baby Got Back, but it wouldn’t fit the vibe here. I’ve seen people furious that bars skip past their jukebox choices, but it’s really their own fault. I was at a dive bar in Cadillac, Michigan after a show, and one of the comics put “Swing” by Savage and Soulja Boy on. He was several drinks in, and seemed truly devastated when the bartender immediately replied “fucking nope!” and skipped it. Obviously that wasn’t going to fly.

The same goes for other genres in other places. Hell, you might be able to get away with a song at a bar on one occasion, but not at another. I was at a (now closed) bar called Old Crow in Middletown, Ohio for a charity event. Before the show, someone put “Still Fly” by the Big Tymers on the jukebox. It was 4pm, we were (mostly) sober, and were in the process of setting up for a charity event. It wasn’t the tyme. Later that night, however, after the comedy and bands were done, and the charity announced how much money they’d raised, I put the song on again. I love that song, and now it was the appropriate time.

Somehow worse than a bad jukebox choice is a bad karaoke choice. I remember early on in my karaoke days, shortly after learning I’m great at singing Johnny Cash songs, I opted to sing “Hurt.” I nailed it. Just . . . knocked it out of the park. And as I walked offstage to scattered applause, my buddy Antonio pulled me aside and said “that was great man, but now everybody here wants to kill themselves.” You need to know your venue, but you also need to know what the crowd wants. On a karaoke night, people are trying to have fun. You can sing slow songs, but people should be able to sing along. You should really be doing fun songs, or anthems that people enjoy. Also, don’t be a dick and sing “American Pie.” That song is like 4 hours long, and it’s boring as hell.

All I’m saying is that you need to pick the right place and time for every kind of music. And just because you like it, doesn’t mean everyone else wants to hear it. There is a time and place for everything, and if you desperately need to hear “Cowboys From Hell” by Pantera at 4:15 on a Wednesday, that place is your car.